I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
