But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Barsexuality is the new black.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
