Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
