I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
