so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your cock deserves a montage
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
