just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
