from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
