Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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