so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
