Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
