Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
