I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
