he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
