what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
