I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
