I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
