Kiss
Puke
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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