hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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