At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
