I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
