you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The air was thick with penises
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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