I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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