It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
