I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
