Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The best revenge is premature balding
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
