You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
