these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Fuck appropriateness.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
