My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
