I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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