Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
