Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
