bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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