I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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