First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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