It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
