The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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