If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
