A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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