I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
