i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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