I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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