I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
