Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Someone shit on the floor
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
