i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
