omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
