I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it's like iHOP with fire
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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