i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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