i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
