she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
