I'm eating all of the evidence.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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