I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
