Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
