my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
