Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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