Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
