the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
