i used baking grease as lip gloss
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
