Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
