He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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