My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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