Say something about gay babies.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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