dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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