We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
