the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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