pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
