I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize