It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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