Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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