I wannas sexs uuuuu
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
