Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
