So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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