literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
