With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
