wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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