I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
