I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
