I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
